her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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