You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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