well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
