the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
