Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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