he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
