I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
