He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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