When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
