I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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