The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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