I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
