i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
