12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
