I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're too hungover to prance.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
