Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
