College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
