we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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