fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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