I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the jesus of drinking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
