A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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