I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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