i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
