so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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