Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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