Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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