I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
