i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
