You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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