My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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