why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
