He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
