She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
