im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
