i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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