I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
