i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
