I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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