I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize