am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
