last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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