I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
