i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
