It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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