WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
