hell yes lets make some ravioli
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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