Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
