I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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