i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
