I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
