I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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