you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
