Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how can u be prego again
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
