How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I party with great urgency now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
