I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
