All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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