Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize