Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
