whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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