So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
