Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
