Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
