I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize