While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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