Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The air was thick with penises
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
