i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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