Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
