Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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