WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just google imaged poop.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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