Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
