you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
