need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
