oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My hand turned me down
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
