apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
