Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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