I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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