he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
