I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
