Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
