Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
