I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
