fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
