my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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